Early on in my relationship with Vincent, I coined the term culture bumps to describe those minor communication breakdowns that trip you up in an intercultural couple. The kind of things that make you just go “what the hell are you talking about?”
I’m referring to little stuff; crossed wires that usually make us laugh and are surprisingly enlightening. (We do run into some culture walls occasionally, too. Those can be brutal, but it’s fascinating to deconstruct them.)
Lately I’ve been maxed out, stressed out and burned out. I am in dire need of a basket weaving class.
But what I decided to do, to give myself a daily moment of zen, was to subscribe to icanhascheezburger, home of the LOLcats, which my 23-year-old son turned me on to last summer. It’s a guilty pleasure. (Very guilty.)
If you don’t know about the lolcats, basically the site is set up so that people can upload cute/funny cat and other animal pictures and add silly captions to them. Some of them are stupid. But frankly, I’m surprised to see how clever some of the captions are, even though they’re all written in some kind of illiterate, gawd-knows-what form of English.
Here’s the problem: Vincent can’t abide the Lolcats. It’s partly him and partly a culture bump.
I saw this one today (translation: Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit), and I laughed out loud. I got such a kick out of it that I described it to Vincent, trying to convey the hilarity (he hadn’t leapt up to see it when I said what it was that had made me laugh). No dice. He didn’t have a cultural reference for what a crazy cat lady is, for starters. I explained. Blank stare. I guess they don’t have them here…
Then he launched into a mini diatribe (a very French thing) about how he hated them because they were the lowest of lowbrow, the online equivalent of paintings on black velvet, the epitome of bad taste, that he hated the cutesiness because it’s the basest form of sentimentality, that they’re barely one notch above fart jokes… And he can’t stand the anthropomorphism.
(I don’t know where he got that high horse; he watches Prison Break, which you wouldn’t catch me dead in front of.)
Then of course, there was the requisite disparaging comment about lolcat language and the captions. Now, the language thing I can understand, but I can overlook it. I defended the captions saying that we (Americans) are really good at one-liners.
To which he responded “Short,” which was a thinly disguised barb directed at Americans’ level of discourse, command of language, and attention span.
To which I responded “Succinct,” which was a thinly disguised barb at French pomposity and verbosity.
It ended with him saying that none of his criticisms would matter if the lolcats made him laugh. But they don’t.
Oh well. The French have a different idea of fun and funny. As I’ve said before, they tend to be a serious bunch. But I need a little shot of good old dopey humor every now and then. It’s in my genes.
If you’re in a Franco-American couple or have any other reason to want to understand la différence, I recommend French and Americans: The Other Shore by Pascal Baudry (a psychoanalyst, among other things). It’s a serious work, but accessible; certainly not the usual why-are-the-French-so-French pap.
I haven’t read the whole thing, but what I have read is excellent (and useful). You can download a free PDF of the English translation, or buy the book on the author’s site.
I’m back as requested with the link for Care2’s ecards: http://www.care2.com/ecards.
My daughter told me about the lolcats, and some of them are very clever indeed — in fact, I once posted a lesson plan using that site to make them. The idea there was not only for kids to gain some basic skill in using the computer, but also to analyze the grammar rules of Lolcat Speak.
Maybe you could tell Vincent that’s what you’re doing. It will sound more intellectual.
Oh — I just had an inspiration. You could make lolcats at i can haz cheezburgers, upload them at the ecards site, and send them to all Vincent’s friends and family. Point out, when he expresses his mortification, that Care2 donates to rainforest protection when you send a card. If you draw yourself up a bit when pointing this out, and raise your eyebrows, it could be just as effective as the grammatical analysis argument.
I have a French grandmother, so I have a clear mental image of the nonverbal communication required here. If you don’t, I bet you could observe some likely ladies in the neighborhood and pick it up right off.
Hi Rebecca. Thanks for re-submitting the Care2 e-card info. I have no idea what I did to delete that original comment.
These culture bumps are usually the source of some consternation, but not resentment. We’ve learned to accept that certain things just don’t translate! And the lolcats are among those things. Vincent’s brother read this, and looked at the icanhascheezburger site and he didn’t get any of the jokes either. It’s definitely a culture thing!
That is a great lesson idea. You have to make learning fun! What a fabulous idea to use the lolcats!
Thanks again!
I don’t know if it family, cultural, or both… I must concur with Vincent!
[...] I was less nervous than I thought I would be (because I convinced myself in advance that only three people would be watching the show), but my French was still pretty abysmal. The editing is great, though, and Caroline picked my best one-liners (as Vincent pointed out) and allowed Vincent to fill in with his eloquent insights (see my previous post). [...]
My husband is from Laos and I’m Franco-American — I totally know what you mean about “culture bumps.”
We have a family joke about one of my grandmother’s family jokes. She used to tell a story about having a dinner guest who ate the entire artichoke leaf, never having been served one before. The punchline was “And of course, we couldn’t say anything to her!” at which all French listeners laughed ruefully. Americans thought “What was wrong with those people?” But we have the line “And of course, we couldn’t say anything to her” as our inside comment on those culture bumps.
Rebecca, that is a flawless example!! And hilarious. The simple fact that you have code for it says something about how frequently things like this happen.
I guess you don’t really realize just how different another culture is till you’re living with someone from that culture. Especially the Western cultures; on the surface they seem so similar, but the differences are actually huge.
I think I’ll create a culture bump category in case I want to log some others…
I’ve always been accused of–and occasionally believed–I was weird because I am given to “mini diatribes,” hate lowbrow humor and paintings on black velvet, loathe expressions of base sentimentality, can’t abide little-boy-bathroom humor (fart jokes), and detest cutesy-pooh dog and cat anthropomorphism. Now, thanks to your post and to Vincent, I realize that I am, in fact, not weird… I’m French!
P.S. I do not watch “Prison Break” or, for that matter, anything on Fox.
Dennis, Vincent had a big grin when he read your comment! I’m glad you’ve finally realized what your true nature is.
[...] that they walk on your kitchen counters, and I have an all-American hygiene issue). I love the lolcats. But I am not a cat [...]