A person accustoms himself to what he is, after all, and if he’s lucky he learns to hold in somewhat lower esteem all other ways of being, so as not to spend life envying them. —Jonathan Franzen, Strong Motion

You know, the American Left (such as it is) might not be melting faster than the ice caps if we made it a little harder for the Righties in Power to whip the masses into a frenzy of hatred with the use of that magic word elitist.

But instead, Lefty just blushes and lets Righty dress her up in the word, she turns this way and that in front of the mirror, likes the way it looks on her, she throws her shoulders back, lifts her chin, thinks Damn, I’m hot. Lefty doesn’t object to being called an elitist because it feeds her vanity.

It’s true that the lefter you are in the US, the more likely you are to have a college degree. But that hardly makes you an elite anything. These days it doesn’t even mean you can spell for chrissakes.

The Righties in Power know that perfectly well yet, without compunction (sorry, elitist word), they actively fabricate an utterly false class gap, exploit that sad human tendency to despise people who are different, and foment (sorry, elitist word) a climate of hate that ends up with little girls and other nice people dead in grocery store parking lots.

Law enforcement officials continue to piece together the facts in Saturday’s shooting rampage that left a federal judge dead and a congresswoman critically injured in Arizona, and some are questioning whether divisive political rhetoric may have played a role.

The above quote is from NPR (my emphasis). Can you believe the lack of spine? (Arizona just needs to be roped the fuck off.)

Back to elitists. You and I both know that most of us don’t have an elite bone in our bodies. (I actually do. Well, a tendon, not a bone; some chromosomal defect associated with English aristocracy gave me a short tendon on the inside of the last joint of my pinkies so they bend funny at the tip. But I’m sure it’s only because some ancestor of mine was raped by a blue blood while trying to empty a chamberpot or something. Unless of course you consider the aristocracy to be the bottom of the gene pool barrel due to inbreeding rather than the elite, which is probably closer to the truth and explains my deformity.)

The rest of me comes from all-American white trash stock. My dad was the first person ever to get a college degree on either side of my family, and that’s only because the Navy yanked him out of the enlisted ranks and popped him into Purdue and officer training at the tender age of 20. I went to a Party League college; when I was at San Diego State it was one of the top five party schools in the US. But I was a single mom with a preschooler and was not doing Girls Gone Wild at Cabo, trust me. I had a damn good time, though, and still graduated cum laude (sorry, elitist expression).

(Sexy trashy girls image: White Trash Beautiful II by Stefanie Schneider. Limited edition photo, edition of 150, signed.)

I do know what arugula is, and I adore it, but I couldn’t tell a Bordeaux from a Merlot, which I guess puts me on the beer track, which is peachy with me. I get so bored around wine people when they get going. Just pour me a glass of whatever goes with my spaghetti, there, Mr. Fancypants. I like opera (but know zip about it) and NFL football (which I know a lot more about). I read good literature almost exclusively, but I’m also a WoT geek (which is some of the worst writing around: “The boat made haste slowly down the river…”). I say fuck a lot.

Despite a BA and one and a half MAs, I realize every single day how little I know about anything. (It doesn’t help that I live in France where everybody knows everything.) In any given week I run across hundreds of cultural and historical references—things I never knew, know superficially, or have forgotten the details of—and I gotta look ‘em up on Wikipedia just like every other non-elitist, which is pretty much everybody.

(Wikipedia is the ultimate face-saver and dilettante-enabler (sorry, elitist word), isn’t it? You’re at a party, somebody starts talking about some esoteric (sorry, elitist word) topic, so you pop off to the bathroom, look it up on your iPhone, and come back and act like you knew all along what they were talking about. Plus you really learn stuff that way. Not that I ever did this. I usually just say “I have no idea what you’re talking about” and look it up when I get home.)

My point is (yes, I have one, kind of) that maybe if the Poor Right Trash weren’t made to feel so afraid that they wouldn’t know which metaphorical fork to use at a metaphorical dinner at a Liberal’s metaphorical house, they’d see us less as The Other. We just need to show them you can go to college and still know next to nothing, and top your tuna casserole with potato chips and still believe that gays have a right to live and breathe and get married and adopt kids!

Maybe the answer is a reality TV show where a liberal mom and conservative mom switch houses and cook Velveeta-based dinners for their temporary families and casually discuss values over dinner, all in an attempt to find common ground. (No evangelicals though, they can’t be reasoned with. We just need to write them off as a loss and hope they abstinence themselves to extinction.)

Or not.

Aside: I was going to call this post Left Wing White Trash, but of course trash comes in all colors and flavors, and if we had to go and start adding letters for all of us, we’d end up like the LGBTIQPFLAG crowd and at a certain point you just have to pick a letter or a symbol or make up a word or something and let it go already. You guys (meaning guys and girls and everything in between and above and beyond, but I’m from California where you can just say you guys and everybody knows what you mean) had a good thing going with that upside-down triangle a while back instead of all these letters. It seems to have disappeared, don’t know where I was when that happened, but if you ditched it because of the Hitler connection I understand completely. But you could still revisit the general symbol idea and lose all the letters, although Prince with his little thou shalt not pronounce my name phase was totally absurd. The rainbow just doesn’t have enough gravitas; it’s way too Care Bear. There must be a happy medium somewhere between acronym and abstraction, and there must be something that does not scream fabric softener. And I’m a lifelong card-carrying FLAG by the way, so don’t even give me any shit about any of this.

Right, back to trash.

For your dining pleasure, here are my favorite White Trash recipes. I welcome any of your (mammal-free) trash recipes if you’d like to share. Hey elitist: Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Crying Chicken (Its name in our family because my uncle Jim cried the first time my mom made it for him. Then he tasted it and stopped crying.)

4 skinned chicken breasts
2 T melted butter
1/2 medium onion minced (the original WT version called for the dried stuff)
10 oz can Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken soup
1 c grated sharp cheddar cheese

Sauté minced onion in butter. Mix soup, cheddar, and sautéed onions in bowl. Place chicken in round casserole dish. Pour soup mixture over chicken. Bake covered at 325° for an hour. Good served with rice and peas.

Bunny’s Fruit Salad (Bunny is the mom of an ex-boyfriend.)

1 pkg (3 1/8 oz) vanilla pudding (not instant)
1 can mandarin oranges
1 lg and 1 sm can pineapple chunks
2-3 bananas
1 2/3 c of juice from pineapples plus syrup from oranges

Drain fruit, reserve juice. Prepare pudding according to box using juice instead of milk. Cool and thicken pudding. Slice bananas. Fold fruit into pudding. Serve chilled. 6-8 servings.

Tuna Casserole (From the side of a Creamette macaroni box, a brand I only ever saw in Michigan. No potato chips. Sorry to disappoint. But knock yourself out if you want.)

1 can tuna
8 oz Velveeta
1 c milk
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup
3-4 c medium or large elbow mac

Elitist ingredients I added to original WT version:
grated parmesan
1 c frozen peas
1-2 t curry powder
1-2 t mustard

Heat soup, Velveeta, and milk in a saucepan till “cheese” is melted. Add tuna and, if using, peas, curry and mustard. Heat for a few minutes over med-low heat and remove from heat. Cook macaroni. Combine cooked mac and soup mixture and mix well. Pour into casserole. Sprinkle with parmesan. Bake covered at 325° for 30 minutes. Remove lid and bake an additional 10 or 15 minutes till top gets a little crispy.

I’ve been yakking (here and here) about how bloggers are frequently offered “exposure” instead of money for their work. What “exposure” really means, of course, is “We could help you become famous.” Hard for the average human to resist. Very hard. But exposure doesn’t buy the groceries (at least not in the immediate). So we need to figure out a way to get cash into bloggers’ pockets, especially if the sites they’re blogging for can’t or won’t pay them.

Another part of the equation is the readers, who are very free with their likes (easy to be generous when it costs you nothing), but likes don’t pay the rent any more than exposure does.

Speaking of readers, permit me to draw your attention to Flattr, which I affectionately refer to as “likes with balls.” It’s a revolutionary idea, though most people don’t seem to have grasped that just yet. (Or maybe they have, and they’re just selfish and lazy. Or maybe they’ve lost their jobs and homes and are living in their vans and eating uncooked Top Ramens every day. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.)

With Flattr, content creators add buttons to their sites and/or individual posts (there’s one at the bottom of this post). When you, the reader, click a Flattr button, the creator of the content you just enjoyed gets cash. Real money!

Where does this money come from, you ask? Well, initially, you put it into an account. Then you tell Flattr how much of it you want to spend each month. If you’ve specified a budget of €3 a month, and you Flattr one blog in a month, that blogger gets €3 (minus a minuscule fee). If you Flattr two blogs, those two bloggers get €1.50 each. Get it? If you Flattr nothing, your money goes to charity.

If you put Flattr buttons on your own site(s), then, theoretically, your account could just be filled up with money from Flattrs others have given you, and you wouldn’t have to put more money in. You could even withdraw extra money and buy ramen with it.

Flattr can only work if enough people are doing it, of course. It’s caught on in Germany, I hear.

So what does Flattr have to do with group blogs that don’t pay their bloggers (like The Huffington Post)?

Well, Flattr is in a good position to do something to change the situation. It would be super cool if Flattr could develop a system whereby Flattrs on individual posts on a group blog directed the payment to the specific bloggers’ accounts rather than to the main site. (Chances are sites would want to share Flattr revenue. This could be an option, and the site owners could be allowed to configure the split themselves.)

[Aug. 8: Vincent saw a tweet go by that said the Flattr WordPress plugin supports multiple users. Great minds, right?]

You can go to the Flattr site and look for people who are using Flattr (keyword search). I discovered Mimi and Eunice (the cartoon above) on the Flattr blog today. I found a poet I really like searching Flattr for “prose poetry” a few months ago.

What exposure really gets you

I was whining to a (non-blogger) friend and colleague about blogsploitation the other day, and she asked me if what I had gained from blogging for free had been worth it. I had to admit that it had. It’s opened a lot of doors. I’ve had press passes to pricey events I couldn’t have attended otherwise. These events provided material about which I wrote and for which I (sometimes) got paid, and lots of contacts. It’s helped me put together a significant professional network here in Paris and online, which has led in turn to more paid work. Having content on major blogs that I could point people to has gotten me some very interesting and lucrative projects. So maybe the exposure myth is not all myth.

In fact, in between the first and second of my blogsploitation posts, another friend and colleague, who was about to be hired as a blog editor, asked me if I’d be interested in blogging for her. The site? HuffPo.

I have to confess I’ll probably do it. I’m only human. And you never know what it could lead to…

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large — I contain multitudes. -Walt Whitman

There was a lovely young couple living upstairs for the first few years I was here, and by lovely I mean when they walked by you could only stand there gaping in wonder at their sheer splendor (especially in combination). One Brazilian and the other Welsh, they had both undoubtedly been models at some point.

My neighbors were high-fashion photographers at the beginning of their careers, with a full studio set up in their apartment (probably illegally), and there were always gorgeous, exotic six-foot-tall stick girls knocking on our door. Vincent would answer and smile and point to the sky to indicate they were one floor short (no names or numbers on our apartment doors in typically efficient French fashion).

One day the Perfections and I were chatting on the sidewalk and they told me that fashion magazines, even the big ones, didn’t want to pay them for their work, claiming the exposure they’d get and the portfolio they were building should be adequate compensation. However, landlords don’t take payment in magazine spreads any more than they do in blog posts, so the Lovelies were forced to move out of this neighborhood, all the way to the outskirts of Paris. Shame.

Evidently graphic designers have the same problem. Designer Ben Crick created a manifesto for designers…

There exists an unfortunate cultural history of exploitation in Visual Communication, and indeed the arts in general. Designers, especially young designers, are expected to work for little or no money, either to prove themselves, gain exposure, or provide spec work.

…and a charming set of posters to illustrate its four main points:

Read the rest of the manifesto and see the other posters

In a discussion I had with a writer friend the other day on the topic of blogsploitation, I tried to pin down for her why some people (like me) have a problem with being asked to blog for free and maybe why others don’t, and why many websites don’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with not paying their bloggers.

I think part of the problem is the concept of “blogger.” The general consensus (among the kind of people who think Amazon and Facebook are the Internet) seems to be that bloggers are ordinary people — pilots, housewives, nurses, mechanics — who just decided to start writing about whatever popped into their heads. People tend to place blogging in the hobby rather than the profession category, and they write off bloggers and blogs as amateurish and not to be taken seriously. I think traditional media and big online media capitalize on this perception to keep bloggers in a journalistic underclass.

At a certain point, though, if a blogger has been writing enough, and well enough, to have some significant content on the Web to point to, whether or not he or she’s ever been paid for any of it, that blogger should be taken seriously as a writer or a journalist (depending on what he/she blogs about and how).

Blogging is essentially self-directed OJT for writing and/or journalism.

Another part of the problem is related to what a blogger’s profession is in the first place. While a nurse might be excited to blog for a large platform for free (at least at first), a writer might be more indignant about being expected to do so. In my case, I was getting paid to do tech writing, translation and many other kinds of writing for years before I started blogging, so it irks me to write for free unless it’s for a good cause, or to help a friend, or to share something I’m passionate about.

Ideally, if you end up writing for free for a website, there should be a time limit to it. Give ‘em a free sample of the milk, but not a lifetime supply, ya know? Companies should have the courtesy to define trial periods after which they agree to pay for the content you’re producing, vest you in the company, or offer some other arrangement.

For example, after you’ve written X posts per month for X months or years, you’ll be paid X per post (or maybe X to start, with increases down the line), or own X shares of the company.

If your writing’s no good, or you’re flaky, or not a good fit, the company should send you on your merry way before the trial period ends, which can only improve the quality of their site’s content. In fact, if it’s true that bloggers don’t draw that much traffic to HuffPo, maybe it’s because HuffPo doesn’t actively separate the wheat from the chaff. I stopped reading it about three years ago, when I saw a celebrity gossip blog post about Tom Cruise…

If you are good, and your content resonates with the site’s audience, it’s easy to quantify your value based on the number of comments you get (and “Likes” and tweets) as well as your stats. The site you write for is tracking stats, and should tell you your “popularity” ranking relative to other bloggers, or the ranking of your posts, and should share your stats with you (number of views, external links to your posts, etc.), so you can judge just how much “exposure” you’re actually getting for your efforts. If it’s clear your content is popular, the company using you should recognize and reward your contribution in some way.

It’s just a question of doing the right thing.

I may continue this discussion. Might talk about the open source philosophy (Vincent thinks I should), intellectual property, Flattr, faux celebrity, and the reality of the situation, which is that most of us do write for free, despite everything I’ve said. Or I might not. We’ll see.

**********************

*Shit my pre-Sexual Revolution mom said.

Read the first post on this topic, Give me equity or give me a break.

Gay Pride parade, Paris, 2011.

The other day I see a tweet from this chick blog with a spunky name saying they’re looking for writers “to join [their] editorial team.” Sounded serious. I checked it out.

The blog looks professional (but there’s no guarantee it is, given the plethora of polished prefab blog themes out there). It wants to be edgy and aims to cover a wide variety of topics from high tech to high art to high fashion. So far, so good. The writing is fair in terms of style and personality. I get the impression that the owner has been seduced by the quantity-over-quality siren, which is not uncommon among group blogs (a response to the world’s shrinking attention span and voracious appetite for bread and circuses). In the end, I conclude that this blog is neither an unscented pantyliner of a blog, nor a communal blogorrhea receptacle, so I send a message indicating interest. A few days later, I get a response asking me to fill out an online application form and a “by the way, our writers are volunteers.”

I love to volunteer! It does wonders for the soul. Whenever my single friends are moaning and groaning about how they can’t meet anybody decent, I tell them to volunteer, that they’re sure to meet generous people who care about the same things they do. I was a volunteer “buddy” to PWAs for AIDS Services of Austin in 1990, shortly after I lost my best friend to AIDS. I did some graphic design and other work as a volunteer for an educational nonprofit in Paris when I first got here. I’ve done pro bono translation for Kiva to help get micro-loans to people in francophone Africa. And so on.

But somehow, dear blog owners who keep expecting to use my work for free, I am not inspired to volunteer to help you build a business! Do you see the difference between your blog and the examples above? And the fame and fortune blogs great and small dangle before people like me (“exposure” and maybe a few pennies of shared ad revenues here and there) just don’t cut the mustard.

The very least you can do is give me a piece of the pie.

What blog owners can learn from startups

I’ve spent the last few years immersed in and blogging about the Internet startup scene, and there is one thing everybody in that world knows: you may have an idea for a startup, but without a developer your idea is worth jack shit. And if you can’t pay your developer, you damn well better offer him equity.

So you have an idea for a group blog! Good for you. Who’s going to fill its pages? Writers. It’s the writers who are going to furnish the erudition and gravitas, or humor and hipness, or sexiness, or snarkiness, or whatever magic ingredients you need. And if you’re serious and have a clear vision for your blog, you’ll choose your writers carefully. (A startup founder doesn’t want just any hack building his/her platform.)

But if you let anyone who’ll work for free fill your blog with his blather, you’re screwing yourself right off the bat. You’ll get crap writing and a crap audience and crap advertisers (if any). Eventually, your dream of creating something special will die because your blog won’t be in the least bit exceptional because your content isn’t because your writers aren’t.

You don’t (usually*) get something for nothing.

I’m pretty sure Michael Arrington was the first person who decided to call his group blog, TechCrunch, a startup. He certainly got what you, dear blog owner, are likely hoping for when AOL recently bought TechCrunch for millions. But though he considered TechCrunch a startup, something tells me he wasn’t doling out chunks of it to his bloggers. Based on my experience, I venture most of them weren’t even getting paid.

So vest me, baby

I know what it’s like to try to launch an online company without a lot of cash. You can’t afford to hire anybody, even part time. So if you can’t pay me to write for your young group blog with a strong vision and lots of potential, then offer me a piece of it.

I know, I know, you aren’t even a real company yet because then you’d have taxes and fees and all manner of hassles to deal with. That’s OK. An agreement in writing will do.

If you offer me equity, I’ll look at what you’re all about to see if what you’re doing turns me on. I’ll check out the competition. I’ll scrutinize the other members of the team to see if they’re strong or weak links. And then I’ll decide if your blog is worth the investment of my time and effort. If I go for it, I’ll be excited and motivated, and it’ll show in my work. I’ll be dedicated and I’ll evangelize for you. You’ll be able to count on me to get you that post when I’m sick.

Good and evil

I’d like to thank GigaOm, a great big tech blog, and Galavanting, a tiny startup (when I first wrote for them) for having the decency to pay me for my work.

As for the rest: shame on you.

****************

*The Huffington Post doesn’t pay its bloggers and the content sucks (for the most part), but that didn’t stop it from recently surpassing the NYT in page views or being bought by AOL for over $300M. The latter prompted the legion of HuffPo bloggers to start raising Cain about getting nothing out of the deal, to which HuffPo essentially said “bloggers don’t do that much for our traffic anyway” and “let them go on strike, there are plenty of people who’d be happy to replace them.”

The HuffPo bloggers’ class action suit probably won’t get them anywhere, in part because there was no contract and in part because there’s no solidarity: half the bloggers are OK with working for free for a multi-million dollar company.

I’m not.

****************

The Newspaper Guild: Communications Workers of America.

Don’t ever get a weird disease if you’re anywhere even remotely near the age of menopause because nobody will believe there’s anything wrong with you. In the eyes of others, including, and maybe especially doctors, you’ll just be a hysterical hypochondriac who’s aging ungracefully. They’ll hint at hormones or suggest that you may just be depressed. You probably are, since by the time two years of this go by, you’ll be convinced you’re a hysterical pre-menopausal hypochondriac.

If it’s on House, it must be bad.

As it turns out, I do have a disease. It’s a rare disease, of course, because I’m special. Nobody knows what causes this disease, so don’t try to blame my vices. This disease doesn’t kill you (at least not often); it just makes you wish it would (some days), which is one of the reasons why, for purposes of this post, I’m calling it FLS  (feel like shit) disease. Also because the real name is so bloody ugly. Plus, so far, my French friends all seem to think I’m making a political joke when I tell them. Nobody I know had ever heard of it except my son (25) and my step-daughter (15) who heard it mentioned on House. They were duly impressed.

This does not mean that this is going to become one of those sick person blogs where I drone on about my bodily fluids and test results (you’ve come across those, right?). Another reason why I don’t name the disease here; I don’t want to draw that kind of attention, or be part of an online whining sick person club.

Just let me get it out of my system here and then I’ll leave you alone. I’m really writing this so you’ll understand why I can’t come out to play right now.

They’re dead. They’re all messed up.**

Thanks to FLS, I’m currently, and rather suddenly (as of Christmas), all messed up. Furthermore, I have no way of knowing if I’ll stay messed up for only a year or three or nine, after which the symptoms of most patients just go away spontaneously, although 50% of those who do get better have relapses.

In case you’re still not convinced: I went to California in February for a two-week stay, but left 5 days early because I wasn’t strong enough to do a full day of ordinary things like go out to restaurants, shop, hang out and visit with friends… If you know me, that should be a major nuff said. I’ve had to cut back on any personal or professional activities that take me out of the house by about 90% since Christmas, and the ones that I can do in the house by not much less. I’m afraid to stray too far from my neighborhood. I’m perpetually exhausted (at about 60% of my normal energy level) and in pain. (At least French doctors are free with the narcotic painkillers.)

This is not a drill.

But I’m getting some good blog fodder out of it: stay tuned for part 2, “Fun with French medicine.

_______________________

*HoleSofter, Softest

**Night of the Living Dead

I wrote my first poem, about a kitten, when I was nine. I still have that piece of very wide-ruled paper in the basement somewhere. It was a school assignment, and I lost points for spelling “cream” “creme.” I knew how to spell “cream,” but this was a conscious choice. I just thought “creme” was a fancy way to spell the word. (OREO did it, why couldn’t I? That’s what I said to the teacher.) I couldn’t have articulated it at that age, but I felt the exotic spelling added texture. I have always loved to play with language.

Two or three years later, I wrote my next poem. I was watching an episode of The Addams Family (a show that played no small part in my franco-erotic awakening and also influenced my fashion sense), in which Morticia was planning to write an opera called Afternoon in a Swamp.

I tried to imagine what such an opera would possibly be like and, when the show ended, I got up and wrote a poem called Afternoon in a Swamp. This is how it starts:

Isn’t it lovely to sit in the bubbly
mushy gushy swamp?
A thunder and lightning
most of all frightening
wonderful place for a romp.

It’s in the basement too. I travel light, but there are a few scraps of paper I’m still dragging around.

I kept writing poems, heavily in the teenage years, of course (my what crap), and on into my twenties and thirties (mostly sonnets for a man I ended up being with for 16 years). I came out of that relationship with a nice sonnet sequence spanning that significant chapter of my life. And the cherry on top of the sonnets, when it all came crashing down, was a villanelle I’m pretty proud of. Too much pain for 14 lines to hold, and the kind of challenge that keeps you so focused you forget to kill yourself that day.

For the last 10 or so of those 16 years, I drank a lot. We drank a lot. My daily buzz wrapped me in a sort of silence, was a buffer that kept me floating on the surface, which is not where poems come from. And so none came. But when I got divorced I took a dive, a deep, deep dive, and I haven’t come up. I like it down here. And I found a buddy.

All of this is to say that my priorities are changing. I’m planning a gradual and graceful exit from the rat race. I’m just too bored and disgusted watching the rats spinning frantically in their wheels to nowhere, and busting my ass for people who don’t appreciate it. I will be switching to the tortoise and hare race, in which I will be the tortoise, pausing to sit in the shade at the foot of a tree and ponder and write a thing or two before I continue along the path.

Life’s just too short.

In case you didn’t know it, I’m working on a novel. It’s about learning to dive (metaphorically speaking). And I’ll never finish it if my time and energy are squandered on pointless pursuits (though some may think writing a novel is just that). I also have a blog of prose poetry and photography. And then there are the Instagram photos. My miraculous husband makes things too: music as well as art.

My advice to you: take up diving.