I went to Vegas once with a geeky couple who brought walkie talkies so that both halves of our two-couple party could find each other when we wanted to regroup. (It was before cell phones.) So every time I was somewhere quiet enough to hear the walkie talkie, the hotel janitors were on the same frequency we were using, talking about pool filters and where Manuel was and who had the keys.

Twitter is the online equivalent of having a walkie talkie turned on all the time with however many twits you’re following all talking at the same time about where Manuel is and other such pithy topics… The inanity is mind numbing.

Now, at some point, we have all had a friend who is clearly in a downward spiral. Maybe it’s addiction, maybe it’s depression… Maybe it’s obsessive-compulsive use of Twitter.

What do you do in cases like these? How do you broach the subject in a way that will not be met with defensiveness, hurt, or anger?

I think most people just ignore the problem, in order to avoid getting one of those reactions, and hope somebody else will deal with it, or that the person in question will just snap out of it. I haven’t yet decided what I’m going to do. I’m American. We’re big enablers and, so far, that’s all I’ve been doing.

I can see how OCT (obsessive-compulsive tweeting) could be a symptom of bigger issues; an escape from pain and loneliness, for one. Twitter is a tool that could make a person feel is if he were communicating, contributing, and as if others were listening, as if they cared. He could tweet things that might make him feel important, or even just that his life had meaning. This self-imposed, pressing obligation to share important information could allow him to rationalize his neglect of his own problems. Or even to feel good because of the personal sacrifice he is making in putting his own needs second…

But tweeting is not real communication. It’s like drinking diet soda. There’s that sweet taste, but without the sugar. The brain is fooled, the body is not nourished. I’m afraid a lot of brains are being fooled with some of the toys that are out there.

An illusion of substance.

I readily admit that if you’re being bombed in Gaza, or arrested in Egypt, and have the ability and presence of mind to tweet it from your cell phone, Twitter can be an important tool, even a life-saving one. If you need information urgently, and can tweet a question to the wind and have the good fortune to get a useful answer, then it’s served a purpose.

But there is only one life I would want the blow-by-blow details of. I would be overjoyed to read “Eating tofu hot dogs for dinner and watching The Matrix again” from my 23-year-old son. Then I could picture him in his own apartment, all grown-up, existing. But then, of course, I wouldn’t want to read the “Just did my 8th shot of tequila” tweet… But he doesn’t do Twitter, so it’s not an issue.

Unfortunately, if you follow people who are of professional, but not personal interest, you still get to find out what they’re having for dinner, when their mothers are probably the only people on the planet who would give a rat’s ass.

Ironically, perhaps, I gave a talk on social media, an introduction for beginners, at the American Library in Paris the other day. My whole spiel was about how great and fun and enriching an online life, with the help of social media, can be, and I sincerely believe that.

My audience challenged me on several counts. I was asked how I found the time for all these things, asked if I felt I had control of my life, or if they were controlling me. Things like that. I had no trouble answering. It’s all a question of moderation, and knowing to use the tools that serve a purpose (practical or impractical) in your life, to use them in a way that does not make them more disruptive than not, to use them only as part of a balanced diet of real, meaningful, life.

Another audience member told me not to give up on Twitter yet (because I said I hated it). I won’t. I’ll keep my account because I have to, for my work. And because I’m curious (about the phenomenon, not that somebody had two cavities). And I like to watch society change before my very eyes.

Although with Twitter, it’s more like watching society change its underwear before your eyes…

As for my friend with the problem, I think the best thing I can do is stop enabling him. I’m going to have to do the tough love thing and unfollow him. Wish me luck.

Do you have a Twitter problem?

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