Sorry I haven’t been writing much lately. Depression. Happens from time to time to those of us who think and feel. A lot of things just kind of piled up at once into this emotional bottleneck and I fled into myself. Dive! Dive! Dive! The alarm goes off like on a submarine. Doesn’t happen often.
The idiocy of America definitely has a lot to do with it. Add a little culture (after)shock (I’ve been here just over two years and this is my second bout with it). Missing my kid and family in California. Dying for some fucking Mexican food. Watching my project moving like it’s in one of those kid nightmares where you’re running in slow-mo and there’s a monster after you. Wondering if my project is the monster…
I’ll surface again soon. Don’t worry, I have my lifeguard.
But you know, when it gets like this, you tend to see a lot of sad. I saw this and got that song from Hair stuck in my head, Easy to be Hard.
Stuff like that.
I know what you mean. As you may have read, depression is something I know about. I have been there and am a bit dysthymic by nature. So, I really feel for you and understand why you have not felt like writing. I took a total blog break the last time it hit.
I wish I could email you some Mexican food. I am guessing the fear is the monster that is after your project. I hope that your project picks up a bit of speed and that you get far ahead of the monster.
Sending good thoughts and want you to know that you have been missed. xo
Thanks Belette. I know you’ve been through the wringer lately. I’ve been following your progress. Congrats on the new abode, sucks about the hair color, hope you’re getting in plenty of chandelier swinging!
Sadly, the other member of the chandlier swinging team is in full workaholic mode and as it is a partnered sport my chandelier is solidly unmoved. But, I appreciate the good thought.
Know I am thinking of you and wish we could meet for coffee. If you feel like talking I am just a skype or an email away.
Hugs.
Hey, I’ve been on Francophilia for almost a year, and I just discovered your blog. I’m observant, no? Sorry to hear about your depression; been there, done that. Big hugs…I know you’ll be okay (but I’ll say a prayer for you anyways). I’ve always had a Republican point of view when it comes to politics, but I must admit, your blog is causing me to slow down and perhaps re-think some things…just in case.
Hope to “see” you soon.
Hi Belette. No chandelier swinging?! I’m sure it’s temporary. We will be meeting for coffee, here in Paris, one of these days. And I’m looking forward to it immensely! Thanks again for your kind thoughts and keeping me laughing with La Belette Rouge.
Hi Joshua. It’s very nice to see you here in one of my other universes! Thanks for coming by and for your kind words. I don’t usually post things about my personal frame of mind, and I’m not sure I would have if it hadn’t been for the man playing the sax in the métro and the oblivious girl. So it feels kind of weird. But it means a lot to me to have the support of my online friends.
It’s refreshing to meet a Republican who is receptive to alternative political views. I can get pretty brutal on this blog, and I’m glad that you see the message through the bite! These days it often seems people pick their team and don’t budge without really seeming to know why they’re on the team they’re on, or they pick it for the wrong reasons. There’s just so much at stake in this world we live in! It’s an important election. I hope plenty of other Republicans have a conscience like you do.
Other universe? Cute.
I’ve battled depression on and off for for the last 5+ years, and I am only recently coming out of it. My biggest problem was that I didn’t even realize I was depressed. I may have been able to acknowledge it sooner if I had been aware of it’s presence. But life goes on. Oddly enough, separating from my wife was the catalyst that stared my exodus from depression. I realized that I had a 6 year old daughter that needed her father, and if I allowed the separation to drag me further down into the bleak, then I stood a good chance of losing her as well. That was not going to happen. And so, I picked myself up and dusted myself off. I plan to enroll in college this Spring to get the education I’ve always desired. The possibility of a new and better life has me brimming with anticipation, and I haven’t been this excited or anxious about something in a long time. I plan to major in education and minor in, what else, French. I hope to teach French in school one day or perhaps I will just double major and get both degrees, who knows? Hopefully, I can show kids that there is a world out there beyond the fishbowl that they call their hometown.
Oh, and I know how hard it can be to open up about personal difficulties. I’m not so good about it myself but I’m getting better. And I am honored to be considered a friend, even if it’s only an online one. =)
As far as political viewpoints go, I think this election is far too important to discount one candidate over another because of party affiliation. We really need someone who is serious about making the changes that will be needed if we are to be a strong nation again. Disregarding the better man for the job because one is blinded by party loyalties is what got us into this mess in the first place. I don’t think that Bush is necessarily a bad man; I think that he had good intentions. But after eight years, I don’t think he was necessarily the best option. I think he did well to hold us together after 9/11, but after his first four years, perhaps he should of let someone else have a go. Hindsight 20/20 and all that.
Well enough of my ramblings. Hope you’re feeling better, more hugs, and take care.
P.S. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll head over to El Cerro Grande and have an enchilada for you.
Joshua
Hi Joshua. I am so glad to hear of your plans and determination! Your motivation (your little girl) is the best there could be. And I’ve told lots of people I know who have gotten into ruts to do exactly what you’re doing; regroup and strike off in a new direction for some self-fulfillment, self-improvement and discovery! I wish you the best. I’m sure you’ll be a new man!
The depression thing is weird. The first time it happens it’s like what you describe; sneaks up on you and you don’t really recognize it for what it is, maybe for a long time. I’m glad you’re moving forward! And I do appreciate your sharing this.
Please do have that enchilada for me!
Things will get better.