Sometimes it seems to me that Americans can be easily divided into two categories: Survivor Watchers and the rest of us. And I frequently get the impression that the SWs outnumber us. We’ll be electing a president soon. The SWs need a president they can picture coming over to have a couple beers and see if Brandi gets voted off the island. The rest of us are a little more demanding.
I’ve identified the magic ingredient necessary for getting the SW vote: I call it Dang Factor. When I isolated this element and added it to my political periodic table during the 2004 presidential campaign, I was thinking Huckleberry Hound dang. But gangsta dang would probably work too. It’s nothing more than that elusive quality which makes a president seem accessible to the SWs while, at the same time, not coming across like a mouth-breather to the rest of us. (The latter was clearly not a requirement for Republicans.)
Bill Clinton had it. In fact, he embodied it. He was brilliant, educated, eloquent, and sophisticated; the kind of guy SWs are usually intimidated by. But he could stand up in front of the world and say “That dog won’t hunt” and simultaneously, miraculously, connect with the SWs while avoiding being laughed off the stage by the rest of us.
Here’s my assessment of dang factor in some of this next election’s Democratic party possibles:
Hilary Clinton: She gets one dang point because she sometimes has a little of that accent. That’s the only thing that softens her up. Otherwise, her demeanor is frigid. She comes across as calculating. I don’t have a problem with her being calculating; in fact I’m sure it’s necessary in her line of work. But she has trouble disguising it and that’s going to turn people off. She seems too willing to sleep with the enemy for my taste. I hope the party doesn’t nominate her; I don’t think she can win. Video
Al Gore: Even though he’s got a serious dang accent, he decidedly does not have SW-grade dang factor. He’s just way too Ashley Wilkes. His movie may help him be perceived as more human if enough people see it, and maybe a warm, fuzzy running mate would help. But I hope he doesn’t run. He’s on a roll saving the planet and that’s a big enough project as it is. I’d hate to tear him away from it. I love his nose. Video: Al on SNL!
John Kerry: Demonstrated dang deficiency. Not a chance. Don’t even think about it. Video
John Edwards: Überdang. As in überkill. The accent alone guarantees some serious dang. But last time he milked the humble beginnings bit way too hard. How many times did you hear him say the son-of-a-mill-worker line? And with that drawl… I just thought it bordered on the comical (made me think of Steve Martin’s “I was born a poor black child” from The Jerk). If he had only changed the sentence structure slightly to “My father worked in a mill,” stripping the statement of melodrama, easing up on the transparent attempt at pathos, he would have seemed so much less hokey and phony. He did appeal to less discerning people. But do you really want a filthy rich ambulance chaser for president? Video
Joe Biden (senator, Delaware): Not much dang in Delaware. He was born there. Video
Mark Warner (fmr governor, Virginia): Not a trace. Unless you give him half a point for looking like Mr. Ed. Video
Tom Daschle (fmr senator, S. Dakota): None. Apparently not everyone in South Dakota is a cowboy, although there is something of the Marlboro Man in Tom. I wanted him to run last time. I didn’t think Kerry could win and Tom seemed to have pitbull qualities, which could come in handy. But he’s a bit abrasive. Doesn’t strike me as being diplomatically inclined. Video
Bill Richardson (governor, New Mexico, fmr US Ambassador to UN): Perhaps a smidgen. Has that Sundance Catalog look (I get the feeling it’s real), though he talks (and kind of looks) like Mr. Cunningham from Happy Days. Impressive CV. Saw him on Bill Maher and he doesn’t seem to have a big enough personality for the job. Video
Russ Feingold (senator, Wisconsin): No dang, but definitely worth checking out. Sharp. Tough. Voted against the Patriot Act. Called for censuring Bush earlier this year. Maybe he could win if he had a dang running mate. (Russ has announced that he’s not running. Too bad. Even with the lack of dang I liked him.) Video
Wesley Clark: He has the brains (Rhodes Scholar, went to Oxford), charm, and ohhhh yes, dang factor. But when he gets to the podium he tends to put on his general suit and tone it down, which I think is a mistake. He lost a couple of dang points with the turtleneck in the last election (remember?), but it worked for me. Maybe that was his way of mitigating the dang (plus he’s probably sick of button-downs after a life in uniform). Hot hot hot. I said I wanted Tom Daschle to run last time, but I just plain wanted Wesley… We may need him if we want to beat McCain. Video
Evan Bayh (senator, Indiana): No. Too Clark Kent with not a hint of Superman. Kevin Kline in The Big Chill. Nice but overall effect: zzzzzzzzzzzz. Video
Chris Dodd (senator, Connecticut): None. Connecticut. Like Delaware. Again, zzzzzzzzzzzz. Video
Tom Vilsack (governor, Iowa): Even though you’d expect some dang from Iowa, he’s originally from Pennsylvania, which is mighty close to Delaware and the dang-free zone. So, no dang. Has good education, healthcare, and environmental agenda, but basically just strikes me as another milquetoast Dem. Video
Barack Obama (senator, Illinois): No dang. But pretty irresistible. Scary smart like Bill. Apparently into the God thing, which I can handle as long as he doesn’t have God telling him to invade France or some stupid shit. Young, inexperienced, but older than JFK was. Is he candidate or running mate material? Urbane and worldly are a nice complement to dang. Video
Ben Nelson (senator, Nebraska): Well, there’s dang and there’s hick. I have to wonder if he could wear such big shoes. Video
Past presidents grouped by personality type
Great post. And a great public service. I buy the “dang” theory completely.
I’m puzzled by something though. First, you say Bill Clinton is “brilliant, educated, eloquent, and sophisticated”. Then, you say Barack Obama is “Scary smart like Bill. Apparently into the God thing”.
Well this leaves me wondering, what do you mean by brilliant or smart? Sure Clinton isn’t a moron like W., but brilliant, educated? By what standards? I don’t think he could follow, let alone contribute to any conversation between your run of the mill European politicians and intellectuals on your average cultural TV talk-show.
And in the case of Obama, how can you be “Scary smart” and have a personal speaking relationship with JC, and flaunt it, unless you’re living in the fifteenth century, before the enlightenment, Darwin, 20th century physics, modern cosmology, psychoanalysis, modern art, two world wars and the current clash of fundamentalisms? Or again, am I totally misunderstanding what it is you mean by smart or brilliant?
I like your blog!
On the google search, there were many frogblogs!
I like all the comments on Al Gore!
Aidan’s cousin frog