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Meet Nicolas Sarkozy (also not-so-affectionately known here as Sarko the American), the frontrunner in the upcoming French presidential election. First round this Sunday, second round two weeks later.

Until a few weeks ago, he was Minister of the Interior. He’s the head of the largest conservative political party, the one Jacques Chirac belongs to. Last year, during the 9/11 anniversary, Sarko decided he needed to go to the US and lick him some Bush boot. Dubbya squeezed him in. Never too busy for a shine.

He went in search of some heroes for a photo op and found some firefighters who undoubtedly had no clue who he was but he was in a suit and had a camera crew in tow, so they indulged him.

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At one point he said some not-too-cool stuff about his own country’s diplomatic efforts in relation to the invasion of Iraq (monsieur le président Chirac was none too pleased). This was when he wasn’t gushing about how much he loved America (big Miami Vice fan) and Israel.

He’s so repulsive in so many ways that it’s hard to figure out why he’s leading in the polls. He’s very pro-capitalism, which is utterly un-French, and he’s anti-immigration. Very into law and order, the iron fist variety. He’s about three feet tall, a bully with a Napoleon complex. He intimidates the media. He comes across as angry, ambitious, and underhanded. Think mobster. Major creep factor.

So why do they like him? One can only conclude that France, the last lefty bastion of the world, is finally being enveloped by the noxious cloud of conservatism, selfishnesss, and materialism that seems to be drifting over the oceans, outwards from America, gaining strength and momentum like a climate-change hurricane.

Sarko’s strongest opponent until recently was the elegant and fearless socialist candidate Segolène Royal. Now she’s being upstaged by a kinder, gentler (dare I say compassionate?) conservative, François Bayrou. I guess the French aren’t ready for a woman president either (give it up Hilary, it ain’t gonna happen).

Ségolène made the headlines and got her party’s nomination in part because she was having a conversation with the French via her blog. I guess Dorkozy’s camp thought he oughtta get himself an online presence too. Their misguided answer? Disco Sarko, an animated Sarkozy doing Travolta moves. Clearly a case of Horshack desperately wishing he were Vinnie Barbarino…

Revel in his ridiculousness. He may not be a joke for much longer.

Here’s a decent brief analysis of the candidates and political climate if you’d like more info (note, I don’t agree with everything she says about Ségolène).